Ministerial Etiquette
From my years of ministry, and also being raised in the home of a very good pastor, I have developed the following rules of ministerial etiquette:
Phone:
Return all phone messages. (The only exception may be an out of town salesperson from a mega-corporation – but even then you have to be careful.)
Return all phone messages within 24 hours.
Mail:
Answer all letters within a week.
Be sure to send a thank you card for every gift. (vocal thanks is not enough)
E-Mail:
Reply to all personal e-mails within 24 hours.
No need to reply to forwards – but it might still be good, if you know the person sent it to you specifically.
Never correct or rebuke via e-mail. If it CAN be taken wrong, it WILL!
If it is a group e-mail which is a means of communication about something coming up, or something that needs to be addressed (ie. Staff memo) it is best to reply – so the sender knows you have received the info.
Appointments:
Always keep your appointments with people. It is a major violation to miss it.
If you miss an appointment by accident, go immediately and rectify it.
Be on time for every appointment you have – do not keep people waiting for you.
A good idea is to space appointments out with enough margin that you will not run behind and make others wait.
Heavy duty confrontation should always be done face to face – and never by letter, e-mail, or phone.
It is better to call somebody before you drop in at their home.
Communication and Planning:
a. When making a change of something (i.e. schedule) make sure everybody it affects receives the communication.
The 5-P Principle: Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.
It is much better to over-communicate than under-communicate.
If you have a task for the office staff, plan ahead according to the size and scope of the task – bigger tasks require greater advance notice.
Counseling:
Never ride in an automobile of a member of the opposite sex unless that person is old enough to be your grandparent or young enough to be your grandchild.
Never meet a member of the opposite sex alone in their home, your home, or any other home.
Plan your counseling sessions with members of the opposite sex when other people are in the building.
Do not go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner alone with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse, your child, or your relative.
Do not talk to members of the opposite sex about the intimate details of your marriage relationship.
Keep every counseling appointment and be on time for it.
As a general rule, do not spend more than an hour in a counseling session with someone.
Beyond that, usually, you’re just “re-hashing”.
Take every suicide threat and domestic abuse allegation seriously, but it's probably good to talk to another spiritual leader before you call the cops.
Do not get roped into extended counseling sessions with people. If they need more than three sessions regarding a particular issue, they need to see a therapist, not more of you.
Visitation:
When visiting in the hospital, keep you visit short (10 to 15 minutes).
There will be times of crisis, where you need to stay longer. If you are in a crisis at the hospital and the family asks you not to leave – don’t leave.
Never sit on the hospital bed.
Don’t eat the patient's food.
ALWAYS ask the patient if you can pray for him/her.
ALWAYS read an encouraging passage of Scipture – but ask for permission before you read it.
Don’t go early in the morning, or after visiting hours unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Dealing with Conflict:
If you have an issue with somebody, follow Matthew 18 – go directly to the person, before you talk with anybody else about it.
NEVER, NEVER engage in gossip, or making fun of others.
Never put people down.
Speak well of everybody.
If you have do deal with a delicate issue, do it in as privately as possible. Praise in public and reprimand in private.
Expect that anything you say will be repeated.
Always take the high road in controvsery – don’t get sucked into petty disputes.
Keep loving everybody – even if they are not being very loving towards you.
Don’t use hand grenades to kill mosquitoes. – or be sure you aren’t over-reacting.
Dealing with Committees and Boards:
Do what you say you’re going to do at the meeting.
As much as possible, follow the agenda and the minutes.
If business is being done, make sure somebody is taking notes.
Don’t monkey with the minutes – ever!
If a course of action taken by a board or committee needs to be changed, it must be changed by the board or committee.
Make sure the boards and committees are on purpose and on task.
Phone:
Return all phone messages. (The only exception may be an out of town salesperson from a mega-corporation – but even then you have to be careful.)
Return all phone messages within 24 hours.
Mail:
Answer all letters within a week.
Be sure to send a thank you card for every gift. (vocal thanks is not enough)
E-Mail:
Reply to all personal e-mails within 24 hours.
No need to reply to forwards – but it might still be good, if you know the person sent it to you specifically.
Never correct or rebuke via e-mail. If it CAN be taken wrong, it WILL!
If it is a group e-mail which is a means of communication about something coming up, or something that needs to be addressed (ie. Staff memo) it is best to reply – so the sender knows you have received the info.
Appointments:
Always keep your appointments with people. It is a major violation to miss it.
If you miss an appointment by accident, go immediately and rectify it.
Be on time for every appointment you have – do not keep people waiting for you.
A good idea is to space appointments out with enough margin that you will not run behind and make others wait.
Heavy duty confrontation should always be done face to face – and never by letter, e-mail, or phone.
It is better to call somebody before you drop in at their home.
Communication and Planning:
a. When making a change of something (i.e. schedule) make sure everybody it affects receives the communication.
The 5-P Principle: Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.
It is much better to over-communicate than under-communicate.
If you have a task for the office staff, plan ahead according to the size and scope of the task – bigger tasks require greater advance notice.
Counseling:
Never ride in an automobile of a member of the opposite sex unless that person is old enough to be your grandparent or young enough to be your grandchild.
Never meet a member of the opposite sex alone in their home, your home, or any other home.
Plan your counseling sessions with members of the opposite sex when other people are in the building.
Do not go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner alone with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse, your child, or your relative.
Do not talk to members of the opposite sex about the intimate details of your marriage relationship.
Keep every counseling appointment and be on time for it.
As a general rule, do not spend more than an hour in a counseling session with someone.
Beyond that, usually, you’re just “re-hashing”.
Take every suicide threat and domestic abuse allegation seriously, but it's probably good to talk to another spiritual leader before you call the cops.
Do not get roped into extended counseling sessions with people. If they need more than three sessions regarding a particular issue, they need to see a therapist, not more of you.
Visitation:
When visiting in the hospital, keep you visit short (10 to 15 minutes).
There will be times of crisis, where you need to stay longer. If you are in a crisis at the hospital and the family asks you not to leave – don’t leave.
Never sit on the hospital bed.
Don’t eat the patient's food.
ALWAYS ask the patient if you can pray for him/her.
ALWAYS read an encouraging passage of Scipture – but ask for permission before you read it.
Don’t go early in the morning, or after visiting hours unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Dealing with Conflict:
If you have an issue with somebody, follow Matthew 18 – go directly to the person, before you talk with anybody else about it.
NEVER, NEVER engage in gossip, or making fun of others.
Never put people down.
Speak well of everybody.
If you have do deal with a delicate issue, do it in as privately as possible. Praise in public and reprimand in private.
Expect that anything you say will be repeated.
Always take the high road in controvsery – don’t get sucked into petty disputes.
Keep loving everybody – even if they are not being very loving towards you.
Don’t use hand grenades to kill mosquitoes. – or be sure you aren’t over-reacting.
Dealing with Committees and Boards:
Do what you say you’re going to do at the meeting.
As much as possible, follow the agenda and the minutes.
If business is being done, make sure somebody is taking notes.
Don’t monkey with the minutes – ever!
If a course of action taken by a board or committee needs to be changed, it must be changed by the board or committee.
Make sure the boards and committees are on purpose and on task.
Very thoughtfully done.
ReplyDeleteIf there is a bit of grace -- all the statements can be followed. One must be careful when asking for flexibility lest he find out that he is asking for permission to break the rule. There is some space for living within the intent of the rule.
padre
Form post...From my years of ministry, and also being raised in the home of a very good pastor, I have developed the following rules of ministerial etiquette:
ReplyDelete...
I agree with what you are said, and would like to add
If any one does not take communion from you, this shuld raise a red flag. This could mean that you have done something to them or someone they love that makes it where they can not accept communion from you with a clear heart. You need to go quickly in private and ask them if you have done anything to offend them, then make it right if you can. At least say you are sorry that they were hurt and that you love them and will pray for them.
People do not always expect to hear what they want to hear, and will agree to disagree if you treat every one fair, like you would like to be treated.