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Whenever Valentines Day comes around, I think about the day Cathy said "I do" back in ’82.  She was abeautiful bride, bold and confident. When it was my turn to say the vows, I blubbered and squeaked like Mickey Mouse – but she knew what I meant anyway.  It’s hard to imagine that so many years have zoomed by. It seems like just yesterday that I was courting her – dating her – writing little valentines with x’s and o’s at the end, and saying goofy things like “yours, ‘til the ocean wears rubber pants to keep it’s bottom dry.” We’ve done a lot of living since then. We have had our share of joys. We have shed our share tears. We have had our share of heartaches through the years – but as our love has matured, it has grown stronger and sweeter. A while back, Cathy made an astute observation: “You can’t really love somebody until you’ve been through something with them. Before that point, you’re just acquaintances.” Maybe that’s why I love her so much – because we’ve b...

  A man went to the doctor, worried about his wife’s temper.   The doctor asked, “What’s the problem?”   The man said, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”   The doctor said, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”   Two weeks later, the man came back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.   The man said, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”   The doctor said, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”   (Thanks to my brother, Steve, who shared this funny joke with me.)

“A man and a woman should choose each other for life, ”  said Dr. George Truett,  “for the simple reason that a long life is barely enough time for them to understand each other – and to understand is to love.” Understanding is the key to true love and intimacy. Although it is a process, you can deepen and develop your relationship along the way. Sometimes, along the path, it’s good to stop and evaluate how you’re doing as a couple. Good maintenance prevents major breakdowns.   Here are a few reflection questions to help you maintain a healthy marriage: How can I best serve my partner? Am I a good listener? Do I really hear what my partner is saying, or am I busy thinking about how I am going to respond? Can we disagree agreeably? If not, what it is that causes us to argue? Do I know what really pleases my partner? Have I pursuing this? Do I know what things really annoys my partner? Have I been doing them? What are my dreams and hopes for our marriage?   What are ...

Several years ago, while straightening up after a wedding rehearsal, I found a candy valentine heart lying near the altar. "Hmmm", I thought, "Maybe there's a little nugget here for tomorrow's wedding sermon." I was hoping to find one of the old standard phrases such as "Love Forever", "Truly Yours", or "Ever Devoted". Instead, I was disappointed to find that this little green heart said, "Star Dust." "Star Dust?" I exclaimed, "Good grief! Who thinks up this stuff anyhow? They were scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one!  How on earth can I use Star Dust in a wedding sermon?"  Here's how I figured it out: Unfortunately, too many people have a "Star Dust" view of love. They think there's some magical poof from Cupid, and they'll live happily ever after. Before long, however, the "Star Dust" turns to "Star Wars." Marriages may be made in h...

News reports this week told of a recent poll indicated that a growing percentage of Americans (39%) believe the institution of marriage is obsolete. Hold your horses!  A deeper look reveals another picture, as reported by the Christian Post. I'm reminded of Mark Twain's comment, "Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated."

During last Saturday's wedding, I was asked to shares Wilferd Arlan Peterson's inspiring tribute to matrimony: The Art of a Good Marriage A good marriage must be created. In marriage the "little" things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say, "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is having a mutual sense of values, and common objectives. It is standing together and facing the world. It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family. It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right person -- it is being the right partner."

In searching for God, many people tend to look for the miraculous and supernatural. Instead, we should be attending to the ordinary, -- Philip Yancy My note: This is true in marriage and family life as well. It's the day to day interactions of thoughtfulness that count

28 years ago, Cathy and I were joined in holy matrimony. As I stood, shaking at the altar before my lovely bride, I thought I could never possibly love her more than I did at that moment. Well, I was wrong. I love her far more now than I did back then. Our love is far deeper, richer, fuller, and stronger than it was on our wedding day. She is also more beautiful now than the day she first captured my heart. When you process it right, a lot of livin' brings a lot of lovin'. We're celebrating by going to a little hideaway cabin nestled in the woods. I am such a lucky guy.

Shortly before last week’s wedding ceremony, Frank, the bride’s father, shared the following marriage advice he’d heard a minister say decades ago during a ceremony. I found that quite amazing, as I’ve always assumed nobody recalls anything the preacher says during a wedding, except “I pronounce you husband and wife” and “you may kiss the bride!” Frank’s astute remembrance was so profound, I worked it into the ceremony, and am now passing it along to you. Here it is: “You must have space in your togetherness.” There is not enough togetherness in marriages today. Couples, working hard to fulfill massive responsibilities, hardly have the opportunity to develop this intimacy. By default, couples drift towards isolation. Husbands and wives lead such hectic lives, that developing the marriage relationship takes back seat to other, more pressing concerns. This is especially true when there are small children at home. What little scraps of time, left after work and household duties is gobbled...

Lord, help us remember when we first met and the strong Love that grew between us. To work that Love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving, and for hearts always ready to ask for forgiveness as well as to forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands. We pray this Marriage Prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, - AMEN (Prayer for Marriage)

Recently, in church, I’ve been preaching on the Great Commandment, which is love in two parts: 1. “Love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength.” 2. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s interesting that this is called the Great Commandment, because by its very nature, love cannot be commanded. How can force another person to love? The threat of force normally accompanies a command: “Stop, in the name of the Law!” “Quit whining or I’ll give you something to whine about!” “If you don’t come to work on time tomorrow, you’re fired!” Commanding and loving just don’t fit together at all. If someone declares, “You HAVE to love me or else!” or “I DEMAND that you love me!”, it pushes the other person the opposite direction. Authentic love is never commanded or demanded. In light of this, there is only one way “The Great Commandment” makes sense. It happens through divine personal demonstration. The only way love can be commanded is through the example of ov...

This is just plain wrong

One of the chief reasons so many marriages fail is that the functions of a date and mate differ radically: that of a date is to be charming; that of a mate is to be responsible; and, unfortunately, the most charming individuals are not necessarily the most responsible, while the most responsible are just as often deficient in charm. -- Sydney Harris (journalist)

An excellent resource for marriage counseling is Barbara Wilson's new book, Kiss Me Again. Written for women, Kiss Me Again gently offers a biblical plan for rekindling the closeness and passion women long for in marriage. This is a good reminder that no past is beyond the reach of God’s healing touch. Order Here

Today, my wife, Cathy and I, will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary. I love her more now than the day in ’82 when she walked down the aisle and said, “I do.” (She was a beautiful bride, bold and confident. When it was my turn to say the vows, I blubbered and squeaked like Mickey Mouse – but she knew what I meant anyway.) It’s hard to imagine that so many years have zoomed by. It seems like just yesterday that I was courting her – dating her – writing little love notes with x’s and o’s at the end, and saying goofy little things like “yours, ‘til the ocean wears rubber pants to keep it’s bottom dry.” We’ve done a lot of living since then. We’ve had our share of joys. We’ve had our share of tears. We’ve had our share of heartaches through the years – but now, our love is sweeter still. A while back, Cathy made an astute observation: “You can’t really love somebody until you’ve been through something with them. Before that point, you’re just acquaintances.” You know, she is right on t...

Scot McKnight at Out of Ur writes: At the end of his lecture and after answering a smattering of questions, the pristine and aged New Testament scholar, Bruce Metzger, asked Doug Moo if he could share something on his heart to the seminary students gathered that day. With the moral vigor and verbal clarity Metzger was known for, he looked at his audience and simply said, "Stay married!" read the rest of the article here

(My beautiful wife, Cathy, helped me put this list together.) A - Accept your partner as he/she is - no strings attached. B - Be attentive, thoughtful and considerate. C - Commit yourself and your marriage to God. D - Date each other regularly and often. E - Endure the difficult times with a good spirit. F - Forgive any grievances you may have against each other. G - Give affection generously. H - Have fun together. Make wonderful memories! I - Involve your partner totally in your life. Don't shut him/her out. J - Journey through life together, looking forward to what's around the bend. K - Keep the lines of communication open. Always be honest. L - Listen, really listen to your partner. M - Make love often. N - Never gripe about your mate to others. O - Openly praise your mate. P - Pray together. The couple that prays together, stays together. Q - Quit doing stupid things that annoy your partner. R - Remember to put the lid on the toothpaste tube. S - Start something new. Don...

As Valentine's Day approaches, I'd like to recommend three excellent books on the Marriage Relationship: 1) Love As A Way of Life Devotional , by Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the Five Love Languages), is a heartwarming spiritual guide for couples. This 90-day journey is a great way for couples to begin the habit of sharing a few moments of spiritual reflection together in a non-threatening way. It shows how to be a loving person -- full of kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity and honesty. Good stuff! 2) Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs tell their amazing story of brokenness and redemption in I Do Again. Their marriage was broken beyond repair. Too much damage had been done. Yet, through spiritual renewal, they found their way back to each other. (This one is a triple hankee!) Conflicted couples ought to read it. 3) For Couples Only: Eye Opening Insights on How the Opposite Sex Thinks by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, is really a two-book combo. The first book ...

Photo of bride-to-be, Tammy Suino, fifteen minutes before the wedding. (Photo by Bonnie Salzman)