Revitalize Your Church

 "Half the harm that is done in the world,"  said poet,  T.S. Eliot , "is done  by people who want to feel important. They do not mean to harm. There  are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."  I've discovered that most of the time, people mean well. Even when  they speak or behave in troubling ways that makes us wonder -- they  mean well.   It's best to give the benefit of the doubt whenever possible.  Yet, at the same time, it is also beneficial to examine our own motives, and try to understand more deeply how our behavior effects others.  Sometimes, winning the argument loses the fight. A marriage counselor once asked a distraught husband,  "Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?"  After a frustrating conversation one day, I thought, "What he said spoke so loud, I couldn't understand a word  he meant!"  Perhaps, the best path is mapped out by  St. Francis...

Some people bring joy wherever they go. Others bring joy  when they go! I like to call the former, “old shoe friends.” When you have an old pair of shoes that are really comfortable, they just go along with you naturally. They’re not squeaky and they don’t pinch your toes with every step. They’re not two sizes too small. In other words, they possess a welcoming, broadness of spirit. After all, as Benjamin  Disraeli  said, “Life is too short to be little.” Old shoe friends accept you for who you are, and believe in you. You can turn to them for advice, knowing that they have your best interest in mind, and that you are not their project for “fixing.” You don’t have to wonder where you stand with these friends. You know they love you, regardless of what happens. This is not to say that old shoe friends won’t confront you if they see you making a mistake that is hurtful to yourself or others. A true friend will tell the truth, even when it hurts. “Wounds from a fri...

“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for others is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear. So it is His work that we do for others when we learn to listen to them. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening. But those who can no longer listen to others will soon be no longer listening to God either; they will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual lif...

  A man went to the doctor, worried about his wife’s temper.   The doctor asked, “What’s the problem?”   The man said, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”   The doctor said, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”   Two weeks later, the man came back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.   The man said, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”   The doctor said, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”   (Thanks to my brother, Steve, who shared this funny joke with me.)

A man was bitten by a rabid dog and ended up in bed seriously ill.  He  mustered up enough strength to request a pen and a pad of paper.   Then, he began to write furiously -- page after page.  "Honey, are you  writing your last will and testament?" his wife asked.  "No," he  replied, "I'm making a list of people I'm going to bite!"  "His bark is worse than his bite" has been said both of dogs and  grumps.  Unfortunately, there are some people who can pack a pretty  vicious bite.  Perhaps, you have been "bitten" by someone.  Maybe you felt the sting  of gossip or the barbs of unjust criticism.  Such encounters leave us  wounded and in need of emotional first aid.  How do you handle "attack dog people"  -- the ones who snarl and snap  at you, and will take a hunk out of your behind if you turn your back?  1.  Remember, hurting people hurt people.   When they lash out, ...

Some people have a hard time getting along with others.  Wherever they go, they leave a trail of broken relationships, disappointments, and a heap of former friends. An individual can be highly intelligent, a hard worker, willing to go the extra mile, committed to excellence -- and still fail because of relational problems. I've often wondered why so many people sabotage themselves.  Is it just the way they're wired?  If so, is it possible to change?   Yes, we're all wired differently -- and some are easier to get along with than others.  However, applying a few relationship rules can help you get along with almost anybody. 1.  Focus on the positive.  You will find plenty of flaws in everyone if you look for them.  Instead, go mining for the positive, and you will find that too! 2.  Never go fishing with a crab-apple for bait.  If you want people to be friendly to you, be friendly to them first.  Don't wait f...

A man was bitten by a rabid dog and ended up in bed seriously ill.  He  mustered up enough strength to request a pen and a pad of paper.   Then, he began to write furiously -- page after page.  "Honey, are you  writing your last will and testament?" his wife asked.  "No," he  replied, "I'm making a list of people I'm going to bite!"  "His bark is worse than his bite" has been said both of dogs and  grumps.  Unfortunately, there are some people who can pack a pretty  vicious bite.  Perhaps, you have been "bitten" by someone.  Maybe you felt the sting  of gossip or the barbs of unjust criticism.  Such encounters leave us  wounded and in need of emotional first aid.  How do you handle "attack dog people"  -- the ones who snarl and snap  at you, and will take a hunk out of your behind if you turn your back?  1.  Remember, hurting people hurt people.   When they lash out, ...

It is always more pleasant when people get along. As the Bible says,“Behold how pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity.” One mother recently told her children, “I only want one thing for Mother's Day – Just one full day when you all get along with each other without squabbling!” They didn’t make it. (You could say they gave her half-a-present!) Ask anybody, and they will tell you they want to get along with others. However, more often than not, we find ourselves embroiled in controversy of some kind or another. Usually it’s because of misunderstandings. Understanding what frustrates others is the first step towards peaceful relationships. What gets people upset? Abrupt Change: Mark Twain said the only person who likes change is a baby with wet diapers! Normally, however, people are not totally opposed to change. They just get worked up if it is sprung on them! Unclear Expectations: When we assume they know what we’re thinking, we’re asking for trouble. It’s aggravat...

Self examination and difficult conversations are hard.  That's why so few are willing to "go there."  It's painful. "Going there" means humbling yourself enough to face the truth, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be. "Going there" is mustering up the courage to say what needs to be said, even if the other person may not react well to it. "Going there" means caring enough to confront, but often feels uncaring. "Going there" takes the risk that things will never be the same. "Going there" forces you to face your fears. "Going there" reveals your secrets. "Going there" requires looking beneath the actions to the underlying cause. "Going there" shows your shadow self. "Going there" is nerve wracking and gut-wrenching. "Going there" means seeing or hearing things you would rather ignore. "Going there" may make you...

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wronged and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping your heart intact, you must give your heart to no-one - not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements with others. Lock it up safely in the coffin or casket of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not become broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell."   -- C. S. Lewis

Mauna Loa, earth's largest volcano on Hawaii's Big Island, has been steaming lately. Pundits wonder when a full eruption will occur.  That reminds me of some human relationships -- steam, steam, steam -- and "Thar She Blows!"  Some people have a low frustration tolerance. At the slightest annoyance, they over-react with tantrums.  A sticker on a box I saw a while back made me smile. It said, "Warning: contents may explode under pressure."  Wouldn't it be great if people wore stickers like that?  "Warning: if you bother me right now, I'm going to snap your head off!"  Sometimes, we're tempted to stuff our stress and pressures down into our souls. Instead of resolving issues, we shove them down and try to ignore them.  Unfortunately, an unresolved issue is like a dead skunk. You won't get rid of it by shoving it under the bed. Ignoring it just makes everything smell worse!  For the times you are all stressed out and "likely to...

Uncle Buddy Robinson, the great Nazarene evangelist from the early 20th Century, was a man who walked in holy love.  Once, according to Robinson's friend C H Jack Linn, an angry man attacked him terribly for something he said in a sermon: "When the man was finished with his cursing and swearing and abuse, Bud said, 'Will you go home to dinner with me?'  'What?' the man cried, 'would you invite a man who has insulted you home to dinner?'  'Oh, did you insult me?' Bud replied. Uncle Buddy was practicing what he preached.   "A sanctified man has a shining face, an easy conscience, and a light heart, and is as bold as a lion, as patient as an ox, as swift as an eagle, as wise as a serpent, as harmless as a dove, as gentle as a lamb, and as sweet as honey.  If you were to slap his jaw you would get honey all over your hand, and as you walked away you will feel something sticky on your hand.  Lick it off and get under conviction, and come b...

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.”   -- Proverbs 14:1    Of course, this doesn’t apply to just to women. Every family member is responsible for the upbuilding, and is capable of tearing it apart.   Wisdom builds the house. Foolishness tears it down.   When we fail to think before we speak and act, we’re likely to tear the house down. We’ve been given two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in that proportion.   Sometimes, in a passion to say right things, we say things wrong and hurt people. We’re wrong in our rightness, and unwilling to budge an inch in spirit. I think this is at the heart of the polarization in our state and nation. People are eager to share their opinions, but few are humble and patent enough to take the time to listen and understand others.   Too many homes are marked by unhealthy conflict and misunderstanding. Sometimes, it’s just a slow si...

On a remote Alaskan island about 1000 miles from Anchorage , the Cleveland Volcano has been steaming lately. Pundits wonder when a full eruption will occur. That reminds me of some human relationships -- steam, steam, steam -- and "Thar She Blows!" Some people have a low frustration tolerance. At the slightest annoyance, they over-react with tantrums. A sticker on a box I saw a while back made me smile. It said, "Warning: contents may explode under pressure." Wouldn't it be great if people wore stickers like that? "Warning: if you bother me right now, I'm going to snap your head off!" Sometimes, we're tempted to stuff our stress and pressures down into our souls. Instead of resolving issues, we shove them down and try to ignore them. Unfortunately, an unresolved issue is like a dead skunk. You won't get rid of it by shoving it under the bed. Ignoring it just makes everything smell worse! For the times you are all...

Nobody likes to be criticized -- but a lot of people can dish it out. Some folks seem to have a natural talent for fault finding. With all this criticism flying around, sooner or later you are going to get clobbered! What is the healthy way to deal with criticism when it comes? 1. Consider the source. Has this person earned the right to speak into your life? Pay attention to criticism from those whose opinion you respect. Don't worry too much about "blab-a-holics" who can't tell when to turn off the spout. 2. Take the kernel of truth and discard the shell. You wouldn't think of swallowing a whole walnut and you shouldn't swallow a whole criticism either. Almost every criticism has a nugget of truth in it. Receive the truth as a gift, and get rid of the rest. If you can learn to do this, you will become a better person. 3. Don't throw criticisms back. Hurling back negative remarks will only make matters worse. Refuse to waste your breath by argui...

Reflecting on the generational opinion differences which rose to the surface at last Thursday's board meeting. The older generation says:  "Tell me what."   Give me the bottom line.  Tell me what needs to be done and I'll do it -- but but don't muddle it up by getting in my way. The middle generation says:  "Tell me how." Let me know how it's to be done, and I'll do it, as long as it's not too inconvenient.  (Thus, the plethora of "how to" books on Amazon.) The rising generation says:  "Tell me why." Don't assume I will jump on board with the program.  I need a good reason to invest myself in something, and it has to be authentic, relational and organic.

How To Wreck Relationships

" With all the hatred in this world. . . this good world. . .let us be kind to one another." -- Walter Breuning, the world's oldest man, who turned 114 today.

"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel." -- Maya Angelou