Weddings

Over the years, I have conducted over two hundred weddings -- and most of them happened in June or February!

Besides the church ceremonies, I've done a wedding on snowmobiles, and two on horseback. I did a wedding in the mouth of the Big Musky, and in the ruins of an old, abandoned chapel.

I've tied knots at the hospital, by a waterfall, in the woods, at the Moose Cafe, beside a lake, in a flower garden,next to a swimming pool,, aboard a cruise ship, and a sundry of other interesting places.

I conducted a "Robin Hood" wedding once, where the poor groom and all of his men had to wear tights. I was relieved when they let me stick with my suit.

On another occasion, I officiated for a German bride who didn't speak a lick of English. She had no idea what she was "vowing"!

I've experienced fainting bridesmaids, a drunken groom, hostile relatives, and "emergencies" of every sort. (most of which were remedied by safety pins or duct tape.)

I've seen the bride trip on her train, and a three year old flower girl shrieking in sheer terror, "NO! NO! PLEEEEEAASE DON'T MAKE ME!" It'll probaby require years of psychotherapy to repair the damage.

Weddings have been interrupted by pagers, cell phones, trains, mosquitoes and jet skis.

Once I said, "Please bow your heads as we hear God's voice."

Just then, a volunteer fireman's radio went off, "Paging City of Hayward Fire Department. We have a grass fire on Nyman Ave. Please respond immediately."

God's voice certainly sounded different that I'd expected, though somewhat familiar.

Thus far, all of my brides and grooms have made it to the chapel -- although one bride was over an hour late, and the groom feared she'd ditched him. Fortunately, it was just a bad hair day.

With all these experiences, I must say that assisting couples in their matrimony vows is extremely rewarding. The little glitches just make the event more memorable.

The only thing more beautiful than the love of a bride and groom is their love maturing through 25 and 50 years -- with lots of glitches in between.