Balmy Wisconsin
My friends, Ryan and Heather, shared this little weather report with me recently:
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Superior sunbathe.
40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.
32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Hayward gets thicker.
20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero:
People in Miami all die.
People in Wisconsin close the windows.
10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Wisconsin start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late.
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Superior sunbathe.
40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.
32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Hayward gets thicker.
20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero:
People in Miami all die.
People in Wisconsin close the windows.
10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Wisconsin start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late.
Very funny stuff, Mark. I believe Upstate New Yorkers have alot in common with you in Wisconsin. This past week our schools were delayed for 2 hours because it was 10 to 15 degrees above zero. While in NY our schools went on time even when it was -20. I will say my body has gotten used to warm temperatures because now 20 above seems cold. If the temperature reached 20 above in February in NY we thought we had a heat wave. Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteVery funny - - - - and really close to the truth.
ReplyDeleteI remember once in grade school, the temperature was 52 below with a wind chill of 80 below - - so they actually canceled school. In the afternoon, my sister and I walked over to the athletic field of what was then the Hayward High School, and slid down a snow drift that was as high as the school roof. True story.
They used to MAKE us play out at recess until 20 below.
BTW - - - I KNEW absolute Zero was -273.16 degrees Celsius, but that is the first time I've ever seen it in Fahrenheit.
OK - - - a teensy, weensy correction for your hilarious entry from a science teacher. (Sorry - - - it got by me the first time)
ReplyDeleteAbsolute Zero is 0 Kelvin (they don't use the term 'degrees' in Kelvin)
it is -273.16 degrees Celsius
and -460 degrees Fahrenheit
So - - - you should probably change your little disclaimer to "on the Fahrenheit scale"
But definitely KEEP the -460, it sounds WAY colder than 0!!!!!