How to Get Out of Your Church
When a parishoner decides to leave a church, it's never an easy decision -- particularly if the relationships run deep. It's painful, and often, there's a lot of misunderstanding (usually on both sides, much like a divorce.)
Sometimes folks are "stuck" at a church in a relational quagmire, need to get out, but don't know how to exit gracefully.
This lady discovered a perfect way to do it without offending anybody. In fact, they had quite a gathering to honor her departure.
Maybe I'll try that someday. I wonder if they'd let me preach my own funeral.
Sometimes folks are "stuck" at a church in a relational quagmire, need to get out, but don't know how to exit gracefully.
This lady discovered a perfect way to do it without offending anybody. In fact, they had quite a gathering to honor her departure.
Maybe I'll try that someday. I wonder if they'd let me preach my own funeral.
not funny. very sad.
ReplyDeleteI agree with anonymous. Not funny, Sooooooooo very very sad. This poor soul was crying for help. She desperately wanted to be loved, appreciated and respected by members of HER congregation. She obviously did not receive flowers from any of them while she was alive, so she wanted to see if any of them would give her flowers upon her death. Too bad, no one (including all the mature Christian leaders) in her church heard her cries.
ReplyDeleteOK -- I stand appropriately rebuked. It is not funny and very sad.
ReplyDeleteI agree this is very sad. However I don't agree that this is the Church or the congregations fault. When you read her police report....
ReplyDelete"She told the deputy she has attachment problems rooted in childhood trauma. Any time someone gets close, she feels the need to separate.
After she gained several close friends in the choir, she said she had cancer to drive them away.
But it brought them closer."
It sounds as though she had friends from the Church get too close for her comfort. You can not assume no one brought her flowers. Sometimes people have problems no matter how much you reach out and love them. I am not willing to crucify an entire church and their members when I don't know all of the facts.
There does come a time when we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. It is not always someone elses fault.
Yes anonymous, you make some good points. But, obviously none of the flowers were personally delivered. If someone had visited, it would have been apparent that Hospice was not involved. And no, she did not totally pull away from the church. She tried to stay in contact with phone calls. These phone calls were cries for help and attention. She was dying emotionally, if not physically.
ReplyDeleteHospice was called after her supposed death. After the funeral, the Sheriff's office was called. Sounds to me like the 'barn door was closed after the horse ran away'.
Wonder if any of the members of this church are totally forgiving and reaching out to her now?
This should be a lesson to ALL of us, including me.
She needed help long before the funeral.
They called the Sheriff after the hoax! Were they trying to give her the attention that they thought she deserved?
ReplyDeleteWhen you visualize your own funeral, what would you want people to say about you?
What kind of person were you?
As a soul mate and partner were you true, loving, forgiving, and compassionate?
As a co-worker were you supportive, kind and not blaming?
As a worker were you loyal, dependable, honest, and willing to go the extra mile?
If the mature Christians in the Church were what they wanted to be perceived as at their funerals, the woman would have gotten the attention she needed in the 11 months preceding the funeral.
We could analyze this until we turn blue in the face, couldn't we? I'd like to share a great idea that I heard yesterday. We all know someone, either at work, in our home or our church, who is struggling with something. It might be sadness, loneliness or an illness. Perhaps you could send that person a beautiful card or small bouquet of flowers, but anonymously. That person will spend the day wondering who could possibly care and who is thinking about him or her. It just may cause that person to think of several different names; "Could it be from Ann? or Frank? or Linda? or maybe Tom?" Then, if you want, a few days later you could "'fess up" and let that person know it was from you. Also, if you want, you could share with that person why you did it: to cause him or her to stop and think about how many people care; that he or she isn't in this alone. We're all called to love. Period. So let's just get to it! Sue B
ReplyDeleteThis poor woman seems to have some sort of mental instability. I believe she had been loved by the Church and some of members according to her statement. When she tried to leave them, they did not try to leave her, by saying she had cancer she said they got even closer. There seems to have been some sort of contact for her to think they were trying to get closer. The test for the Church and it's members now is if they will still love her.
ReplyDeleteIs the Church and it's members at fault for Ted Haggert's fall? Was this just another case where the "poor soul was crying for help. He desperately wanted to be loved, appreciated and respected by members of HIS congregation"? Or is he just another sinner saved by grace that failed.
When a member commits adultry is that because the Church failed them or that they failed in their walk? When the Church treasurer steals money is that because the Church failed? We all stumble and we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. It is nice to have a brother or sister to help us through the troubled time but it is not their fault for our stumble.
JSW
ReplyDeletePeople are responsible for their own mistakes. BUT, if others know of their sins and condone them by not saying anything, they are also partially responsible.
Others in power knew of Ted's sins long before the news broke. If leaders of a church know of another's adultery or stealing, then the proper steps should be taken immediately to try and get them help. Of course they should be relieved of all positions of leadership NOW.
Often, especially in churches, sins or deeds, are judged on 'who' not 'what'.
Church boards are guilty if they do not hold their Pastor accountable. Likewise, Pastors are responsible if they do not hold their church boards accountable.
I agree with you Kaylynn. If the Church members know of the sin and take no action they are as responsible. They should get them help and they should be removed from their leadership positions NOW. The members who covered for Ted need to be held accountable also. We need to be praying for Ted, his family, and his church.
ReplyDeleteHowever I don't believe the Church or its members made Ted or this other lady fall to begin with. That was my point. It would be nice to be able to explain to GOD how it was everyone elses fault and not ours.
My, this has certainly sparked an interesting and lively debate!
ReplyDeleteLessons gleaned here:
1. The church is responsible to love, support and help each other as much as we can. We need to be there for each other, to love and support each other through the hard times -- and to provide correction when needed.
2. At the same time, it is important to understand that each person must take personal responsibility for her/her own behaviors, words and attitudes. We cannot blame others for our own failures.
3. There are some people who will never let you get close to them and they will always run the opposite direction. You can try your best, and they still won't cross the bridge. In those instances, I don't think chasing them is helpful. Bless them. Love them. Keep connection. But don't chase them.
4. A church will never be able to meet all the emotional needs of an individual member. If a person is expecting the church to do that, he/she is setting up a scenario for disappointment.
Well Mark,
ReplyDeleteIt is almost 3:30 and I have been grading midterms. As you know, this article put a burden on my heart. My prayer is that as I encounter hundreds of students each quarter (all cultures, all faiths, 17 to 70+) that I will strive to always be the 'helping hand' and never the 'stumbling block' to any of them.