Scandal
It was so un-deaconlike
for him to have a tawdry fling.
It was so un-christianlike
the way they gossipped
and went about the shunning.
It was so un-ladylike
of his mistress to show on sunday morning
for a tense and loud denouncing.
It was so un-pastorlike
for the rattled reverend to continue with his sermon
as if nothing had occurred.
It was so Jesus-like
to see the deacon's faithful wife, though blushing,
bear such disgrace with grace.
for him to have a tawdry fling.
It was so un-christianlike
the way they gossipped
and went about the shunning.
It was so un-ladylike
of his mistress to show on sunday morning
for a tense and loud denouncing.
It was so un-pastorlike
for the rattled reverend to continue with his sermon
as if nothing had occurred.
It was so Jesus-like
to see the deacon's faithful wife, though blushing,
bear such disgrace with grace.
In our case (very simular to this post) Good old brother Hank was slapped on the back, told every one makes mistakes and continues to hold all offices in this Church today.
ReplyDeleteThe hussy meanwhile was expelled (led out of the Church) by the other deacons in support of brother Hank.
Now Hank said he was sorry and forgiven by God, but passes judgement on others in the Church each day.
I read this site constantly. I am the so-called hussy. I prefer to think of myself as the lady who made a mistake and was taken advantage of. I was the new Christian in a church. I looked to an elder for advice, friendship, and comfort. This relationship got out of hand. When it became public, the elder was treated like a sweet-smelling rose. I was the dried-up dandelion. The members of the church blew me away with a mighty huff. To this day, the elder continues to hold all positions in this church. My family and I are not even welcome. If God also forgave me, why am I not treated as the man?
ReplyDeleteRegardless of our political views, I feel we can all profit from the following advice. Bill Clinton spoke at yesterday's graduation at OSU. He commented about his friendship with George H.W.Bush despite their political differences. In the great stadium, he said, "People that come here to watch football are bound together by supporting this team. They are from all different places; they come from all over the world. They come here because they have something in common. That is a great challenge for the entire world: to create communities locally, nationally and globally that share the opportunity to participate in the responsibility for success and the outcome and have a genuine sense of belonging."
ReplyDeleteIt is extremely troubling to me that many churches have become private country clubs with stipulations about who is welcome to participate, and there is always a power struggle for control. Everything is decided on 'who' and not 'what'. Should not Christians band together to worship God and win more souls for HIM?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
ReplyDeleteBill
We (those of us in the church) have already thrown out far too many babies and kept way too much dirty old bath water.
ReplyDeleteJesus said, "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone." Then, when they had all dropped their stones and walked away He turned to the woman and said, "They do not condemn you, and neither do I. Go your way and sin no more."
Oh that we were more like Jesus.
Are any of us worthy to stone the deacon, the hussy, or Bill?
ReplyDeleteNarrow minded people have chosen not to forgive Bill.
ReplyDeleteGod forgave him and so must we.
Bill, the Deacon and the hussy will still have to deal with the concquences of what they did.
We can not chose who we will forgive and accept back into our fellowship and who we will not forgive and accept
Mark
ReplyDeleteJust how should have this case been handled!
Your post seems to indicate that the young lady should have not come back to Church.
Did not the Lord forgive her the same as the Deacon?
One thing that has always puzzeled me is why in the Bible as Keetha states, the woman who was going to be stoned there was no mention of the man who was with her. Was he not just as guilty as her?
If we cannot accept the young lady back into the Church, then should not the Deacon also be asked to leave?
His influence and trust by the Church will be lost and it takes a long time to regain that trust.
He probably will not live long enough to see that happen because he will be remembered not by the good things that he did but by the one mistake he made.
Once an adulterer, always an adulterer?
ReplyDeleteOnce a thief, always a thief?
Once a liar, always a liar?
Yikes. I guess this one sparked something. This isn't an an actual event -- I just made it up, based on different things I've seen over the years. We really should be in the forgiving business -- but there is also something important to be said about leadership accountability. These issues are very difficult. Usually, if you're the pastor when one of these things erupts, no matter what you do, someone will say you didn't do it right.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing, in answer to Sam --I would be harder on the deacon than on the other woman -- because he is a spiritual leader, and should be above reproach in his behavior. I would love him. I would cry with him. I would let him know I care deeply. I would also remove him from leadership, and put him into some kind of restoration process. It would be quite a while before he could be a deacon again,
ReplyDeleteAlong the same line, I would provide or find godly counsel and help for the lady involved.
Both the deacon and the other woman would be welcome to attend church and worship -- although it might be awkward.
All in all, I try to use these situations as catalysts for spiritual growth and character formation -- for everybody involved.
We don't always bat 1000 in this -- often, despite our best efforts and intentions, someone walks away mad and tells us what a crummy job we did handling it. (But, as I said in my earlier comment -- that is ALWAYS the way people respond to ugly situations. There's never a perfect solution that makes everybody happy,)
At the end of the day, I must ask myself, "Did I do my best? Did I do right? Was my decision just? Did I honor Jesus? Did I show love?
I like your method of dealing with this hypothetical scenario. I believe that everything you described would have kept the baby and thrown out only the dirty old bathwater.
ReplyDeleteYes Keetha, I think Mark in this case was willing to keep both babies and throw out the dirty old bathwater. But both babies definitely need a cleasing bath in new hot soapy clean water.
ReplyDeleteIt was an actual case in my church. Wish we had had someone like you Mark. The decision was not just/right/fair. Love was not shown to all parties involved. To this day, the church has not recovered, not from the affair - but the handling of the situation.
ReplyDeleteI don't think both individuals that have committed adultry can remain at the same Church. At least one of them have to go. You have to remove the temptation. The husband and his wife can not sit there and worship with the mistress in the pew next to them. I know my wife would not want to still worship in the same Church as my mistress (if I had one).
ReplyDeleteOne thing that helps us is that we have three services on Sunday monring -- so they could both come and never see each other. In a place where there is only one service, and the congregation smaller, where everybody knows everybody (and what's going on with everybody) it would be much harder -- and I think you're right. The question of WHO should go -- and HOW we'd make that decision -- that's a toughie.
ReplyDeleteMy deacon lover has resigned from his active deacon status & Sunday School teaching position. We both acknowledge our sinful state to each other and God but have kept it hidden from others. We are trying to put the affair behind us. Many believe that a public confession would be in order. I know that would result in his wife divorcing him. (She really doesn't care what he does as long as he doesn't embarrass her by getting caught at it.) He pursued and persuaded me and yet, I know that I would be the shunned "hussy" and he would be considered the victim. Christian compassion is almost an oxymoron. I appreciate Mark's approach, but don't believe it is widely applied.
ReplyDeleteNot all affairs are tawdry flings. Sometimes they are the result of finding real love and friendship after years of marital denial. Morally wrong, yes. But God chose to give us free will and understands our frailness. If only our Pharisee brethren would take to heart the command to "judge not"...
ReplyDeleteI like the poem, but in many cases with which I am familiar (unfortunately, too many)the deacon's wife is not so much a blushing vision of grace under pressure. I've known them to be cold, hateful, vindictive - and that's before they find out about the affair. Often it is the mistress who bears her own disgrace in silence. The wife goes about getting her revenge, attempting to maintain her victimhood while she metes out punishment to the man with whom she would, of course, have everyone believe she wishes to be reconciled. Still, I like the poem.
ReplyDelete