“The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs
14:1
I used this verse in my sermon last
Sunday, reminding the mothers to build up the house. Of course, this doesn’t
apply to mothers. Anybody who lives in a house is responsible for the
upbuilding.
Wisdom builds the house.
Foolishness tears it down.
When we fail to think before we
speak and act, we’re likely to tear the house down. We’ve been given two ears
and one mouth, and they should be used in that
proportion.
Sometimes, in a passion to say right
things, we say things wrong and hurt people. We’re wrong in our rightness, and
unwilling to budge an inch in spirit. I think this is at the heart of the
polarization in our state and nation. People are eager to share their opinions,
but few are humble and patent enough to take the time to listen and understand
others.
Too many homes are marked by
unhealthy conflict and misunderstanding. Sometimes, it’s just a slow simmer of
frustration. Frequently, it leads to checking out, and giving less than one’s
best. Occasionally, it erupts into full-scale, brutal warfare. In the
squabble, hurtful and destructive things are spoken that can never been undone.
Rash words in a fit of anger can destroy the very fabric of the
relationship.
As the old rhyme
goes:
There once were two cats of
Kilkenny.
Each thought there was one cat too
many.
So they fought and they
fit,,
And they scratched and they
bit
'Til excepting their
nails
And the tips of their
tails,
Instead of two cats there weren’t
any.
Perhaps this is why Proverbs 19:11
reminds us it is “to one’s glory to overlook an
offense.”
It’s very possible to win the battle
(argument) and lose the war (relationship.) Here’s a question: Is what we’re
fighting over worth the fight?
Occasionally, it is. Sometimes,
there is a significant principle or human right at stake, and only a good fight
will set it straight. However, most of the time, our conflicts are over lesser
things. We let our selfishness stand in the way, then hold stubbornly to our
opinions as a “matter of honor.” Little issues become major eruptions when we
stake our significance on them.
Conflict is an emotional state, and
the issue will not be resolved when either party is in that state. You can’t
argue someone out of it. The only way to help another person move from the
state of conflict is through kindness and patient
understanding.
Argument may force the other person
into a corner, forcing him to agree – but it will only be a surface agreement,
and definitely not be an agreement of hearts. As the old adage goes, “A man
convinced against his will is of the same opinion
still.”
Here’s an idea: fight FOR your
family instead of fighting against them. What dreams and hopes to you have for
your family? What actions can you take to gently move in that direction? If
you don’t do anything different, you will keep following the same path with the
same patterns. I appreciate Andy Stanley’s observation, “Direction, not
intention, equals destination.”
Weigh your words. Bite your
tongue. Think twice. Then, as Colossians 4:6 says, “let your conversation be
full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you ay know how to answer
everyone.”
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